Loud Thinking

THE MANAGEMENT TIP OF THE DAY: Harvard Business Review

May 4, 2015

Use the Right Pronouns When Trying to Calm Your Nerves

When you’re dealing with a difficult or stressful task, the way you silently talk to yourself can make a difference on the outcome. Researchers found that when people reflected on intense emotional experiences using their names and non-first-person pronouns (e.g., “you,” “he,” “she”), they were more able to control their feelings and behaviors. People who silently referred to themselves in the second or third person or used their own names while preparing for a five-minute speech were calmer and more confident and performed better on the task than those who referred to themselves using “I” or “me.” They also felt better about their performance once it was over: they experienced less shame and ruminated about it less. Next time you’re trying to psyche yourself up for a presentation or negotiation, substitute “you” or your name for “I.” The results may surprise you.

Adapted from “Pronouns Matter when Psyching Yourself Up” by Ozlem Ayduk and Ethan Kross.